4Cross Love Letter #18 Crazy Love
Dear 4Cross Love Birds,
Can certain people in your family or your mate drive you crazy sometimes?!
Learning the four positions in the 4Cross Framework helps you relate better to family members who can drive you crazy by offering a clear understanding of their natural tendencies, survival concerns, and communication styles. Here’s how:
Increased Empathy: Knowing whether someone is a North, East, South, or West gives you insight into why they act, think, and respond the way they do. Instead of seeing their behavior as irrational or bothersome, you recognize it as a natural expression of their position, which fosters empathy and reduces frustration.
Understanding Their Concerns: Each position has a core survival concern that drives behavior—certainty for Norths, freedom for Easts, stability for Souths, and security for Wests. Understanding these concerns helps you realize that what you once saw as annoying or controlling behavior is often an attempt to fulfill their core need. This awareness allows you to respond more thoughtfully, respecting their concerns while also setting your own boundaries.
Better Communication: With the 4Cross Love Framework, you learn how to adapt your communication style to better match each family member’s position. For example, you might be more direct and decisive with a North, more creative and flexible with an East, more supportive with a South, and more detail-oriented with a West. Tailoring your approach minimizes misunderstandings and improves the quality of interactions.
Decreased Conflict: By understanding each position’s triggers and natural reactions, you’re less likely to take things personally or react impulsively. You start to see conflicts not as personal attacks but as differences in biological positioning. This shift reduces emotional reactivity, leading to more constructive and peaceful relationships.
Strategic Support: Knowing the positions allows you to offer the kind of support each family member naturally appreciates. You provide the certainty, freedom, stability (harmony), or security (order) they thrive on, making them feel more understood and valued, which in turn fosters mutual respect and closeness.
Overall, learning the 4Cross positions transforms your perspective, helping you see family dynamics as a strategic game of alignment rather than a battle of wills. This newfound understanding allows you to embrace differences, improve communication, and build stronger, more harmonious relationships.
Until we meet again,
Shelly LaVigne - Love Investigator
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