4Cross Love Letter #17 Boundary Less
Dear 4Cross Love Birds,
There are so many gurus out there saying you need to put up boundaries, but if you don’t know the root of your concern, you won’t understand the purpose, and you’ll always be second-guessing yourself. Also, more than anything, we need to understand others more and put up fewer fences.
Boundaries don’t work effectively if you don’t know your 4Cross position because boundaries are rooted in understanding your innate needs, strengths, and survival concerns, which are specific to each position. Here’s why:
Lack of Clarity: Without knowing your position (North, East, South, or West), you may struggle to understand what you truly need to protect or prioritize. Your boundaries may be unclear or inconsistent, since you’re not aware of the core drivers behind your reactions or decisions.
Misaligned Boundaries: Each 4Cross position has distinct survival concerns—certainty for Norths, freedom for Easts, stability for Souths, and security for Wests. If you don’t understand your specific concern, you might set boundaries that conflict with your natural tendencies, making them hard to maintain. For example, a North might unknowingly set boundaries restricting their need for control, or an East might establish boundaries that inadvertently limit their freedom.
Reactive vs. Proactive Boundaries: Without positional awareness, boundaries tend to be set reactively, often after conflicts or emotional overloads. With knowledge of your 4Cross position, boundaries can be established proactively, designed to support your inherent strengths and manage your specific vulnerabilities.
Inconsistent Enforcement: If you don’t understand your biological position, it’s easy to compromise your boundaries under pressure or let them slip to meet others’ expectations. Knowing your position gives you confidence to enforce boundaries aligned with your natural needs, leading to consistent and healthy relationship dynamics.
Simply put, boundaries work best when they’re informed by a clear understanding of your biological design in the 4Cross Love Framework. This awareness ensures that boundaries are not only effective but also sustainable and aligned with who you truly are.
Until we meet again,
Shelly LaVigne - Love Investigator
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