4 Cross Love Letter #21 Concern 4 Love

Dear 4Cross Love Birds,

At the heart of every relationship lie survival concerns—those deep-seated needs that drive how we act, react, and connect. Recognizing and addressing these concerns is the key to building lasting, meaningful relationships.

1. Know Your Own Concern
   What drives you at your core? If you’re a North, it might be clarity and control. For an East it might be a need for exploration and spontaneity. If you’re a South, it could be emotional safety. And for a West it could be structure, thoroughness, and accuracy. Understanding your survival concern helps you communicate your needs more effectively.

2. Respect Your Partner’s Concern
   Your partner’s frustration often signals an unmet survival concern. Instead of reacting defensively, ask: “What do they need in this moment?” This shift in perspective fosters empathy and connection.

3. Build Connection From Concern
   When you address each other’s survival concerns, you create a relationship built on trust and understanding. For example, a West will thrive when their thoroughness is appreciated, while an East feels valued when their sense of adventure is supported.

4. Communicate From a Place of Care
   When discussing survival concerns, approach the conversation with care rather than blame. Express your understanding of your partner’s needs and how you can support them. This opens the door to collaboration instead of conflict.

Love flourishes when survival concerns are understood and honored.

Until we meet again,

Shelly LaVigne - Love Investigator