4Cross Love Letter #28 The Power of Love
Dear 4Cross Love Birds,
The Power Struggles of the 4Cross Positions: Who’s Really in Control?
Love and relationships are full of power dynamics, but not all struggles for control look the same. Each 4Cross Love Position—North, East, South, and West—has a distinct way of asserting power, resisting control, and navigating dominance in relationships.
Whether it's a North leading with strategy, an East rebelling against rules, a South influencing through emotions, or a West controlling through structure, each position fights for power in their own way—and that’s where the struggle begins.
Let’s break down how each position experiences power struggles in love and what it takes to find balance.
Norths: The Power Strategists
How They Fight for Power:
Norths believe control = certainty. They are always assessing, planning, and positioning themselves to stay in charge.
They assert dominance through logic, decisiveness, and setting the terms of engagement in a relationship.
If they feel their authority is questioned, they double down on control, sometimes becoming dismissive or emotionally detached.
Power Struggles They Face:
Against an East: They get frustrated with the East’s unpredictability and refusal to follow a structured plan. Norths want commitment and certainty, while Easts fight to keep their options open.
Against a South: Norths may see Souths as overly emotional and lacking logic, while Souths may feel unheard or dismissed. Norths try to lead through rationality, but Souths fight for emotional influence.
Against a West: This is a battle of strategic minds. Both seek control, but Norths lead with vision while Wests lead with structure—and neither likes to back down.
How Norths Can Avoid Toxic Power Struggles:
Learn to collaborate rather than dominate—not everything needs to be a competition.
Recognize that emotional intelligence is a strength, not a weakness.
Accept that certainty isn’t always possible, especially in love.
Easts: The Freedom Fighters
How They Fight for Power:
Easts fight for autonomy, not control. They don’t want to rule others—they just don’t want to be ruled.
They rebel against structure, expectations, and anything that feels like restriction.
If they feel trapped, they will pull away, become unpredictable, or create chaos to regain a sense of control.
Power Struggles They Face:
Against a North: Norths try to lead and structure the relationship, but Easts resist being controlled. The more a North demands certainty, the more an East pulls away.
Against a South: Souths want deep connection, but Easts fear emotional dependence. Souths may feel like they are giving their all, while Easts feel like they are being cornered or suffocated.
Against a West: Wests expect rules, routine, and consistency, but Easts thrive on spontaneity and change. The East sees the West as too rigid, while the West sees the East as too reckless.
How Easts Can Avoid Toxic Power Struggles:
Realize that freedom isn’t the absence of commitment—it’s choosing the right kind of commitment.
Learn how to set boundaries without pushing people away.
Recognize that structure and stability can actually help fuel more freedom, not limit it.
Souths: The Emotional Influencers
How They Fight for Power:
Souths don’t fight with force; they fight with feelings. They use emotional depth, connection, and empathy to influence others.
They rarely engage in direct power struggles—instead, they may use guilt, withdrawal, or passive resistance to shift the dynamic.
If they feel unappreciated or unheard, they may become resentful, overly accommodating, or emotionally withdrawn.
Power Struggles They Face:
Against a North: Norths focus on logic and strategy, which can make Souths feel dismissed or emotionally neglected. Souths want depth, while Norths want efficiency.
Against an East: Souths want commitment and emotional safety, but Easts resist being tied down or emotionally dependent. The South’s need for reassurance clashes with the East’s need for independence.
Against a West: Wests focus on structure and rules, while Souths prioritize connection and feelings. A West may see a South as too emotional, while a South may see a West as too rigid and emotionally unavailable.
How Souths Can Avoid Toxic Power Struggles:
Stop manipulating through guilt or withdrawal—express needs directly.
Learn to set boundaries and stop over-giving in hopes of maintaining harmony.
Recognize that conflict doesn’t mean disconnection—it’s part of a healthy relationship.
Wests: The Rule Enforcers
How They Fight for Power:
Wests seek control through structure, predictability, and maintaining order.
They set rules and expectations for how relationships should function, and they expect others to follow them.
If things feel chaotic or uncertain, Wests may become critical, rigid, or emotionally withdrawn to regain control.
Power Struggles They Face:
Against a North: Battle of the Titans. Both want control—Norths want big-picture leadership, while Wests want precision and rules. Their power struggles can turn into stubborn standoffs.
Against an East: Wests want structure, routine, and commitment, while Easts thrive on flexibility and spontaneity. A West may see an East as irresponsible, while an East sees a West as controlling.
Against a South: Souths want deep emotional connection, but Wests may struggle with expressing vulnerability. Souths may feel emotionally neglected, while Wests feel overwhelmed by emotional expectations.
How Wests Can Avoid Toxic Power Struggles:
Learn that not everything can (or should) be controlled.
Stop seeing flexibility as weakness—sometimes, adaptability leads to better outcomes.
Realize that people aren’t systems—relationships require emotional presence, not just order.
Final Thoughts: Power Struggles in Love Are About Survival Concerns
At the core of every power struggle in a relationship is a biological survival concern:
Norths need certainty—they fight for control to secure it.
Easts need freedom—they fight against restriction to maintain it.
Souths need harmony—they influence emotionally to preserve it.
Wests need order—they enforce structure to uphold it.
When these concerns collide, power struggles emerge. But once you understand your own concern and your partner’s, the fight becomes easier to navigate.
Instead of battling for dominance, you can learn to balance each other’s strengths and create a relationship where power isn’t about control—it’s about mutual understanding.
Until we meet again,
Shelly LaVigne - Love Investigator
